I can hear him

whisper in my ear,

he calls my name,

controls me with fear.

 

These vile demons

running in my head,

live in my dreams

and beneath my bed.

 

I feel guilty.

What is happening to me?

He promised me.

I satisfy his needs but he turns and leaves.

 

Is this an obsession,

addiction?

It’s something for which my heart has come to yearn,

even when it knows there’s no love in return.

 

It seems as if I don’t have a choice.

My legs habitually give in to the sound of his voice.

I can’t control myself anymore.

I’m not the same as I was before.

 

I can’t think straight.

I’m blinded by pain.

I can feel myself drowning,

slowly driven insane.

 

Every time I have the choice,

I choose wrong over right.

I’m being pulled in two directions.

I want out of this depression.

 

Somebody, help me!

My hands are shaking.

Eyes are twitching.

Now my skin is itching.

 

I feel so lost.

I used to be so strong. What happened to me?

The Devil knows me so well,

perhaps more than I know myself.

 

I don’t know where or who I am.

My mind is the most dangerous place to be,

I’m trapped in it. I’ve forgotten how to stand.

I fight for others, but I’ve forgotten how to fight for me.

 

God, help me!

I’m asking, but I’m not receiving.

I’m seeking, but I’m not finding.

I’m knocking, but the door is not opening.

 

Lord, please!

Give me the strength and courage

to stand on my own two feet against the Devil’s growing power,

to stand on my own two feet in my darkest and loneliest hour!

 

...

 

I’m a sinner, now forgiven.

Jesus, thank you.

I will never do it again

even when I want to.

 

...

 

I can hear him

whisper in my ear,