sorry that I let you down because you
have ridiculously high expectations
and that you want me to
be a better version of you,
even though I can’t,
even though I try.
sorry that I am fat,
and not cheerful,
and a failure in life,
and not as perfect as you
because you had the perfect life
and the perfect grades,
and the perfect looks,
and the perfect personality.
that I’m not the school genius,
that I only ran varsity track a few times last year,
that I am not smart enough to be valedictorian,
that I’m not Mila Kunis or Kate Upton or Malin Akerman,
that I like to relax and not do schoolwork, a lot,
that I can’t be the Bill Gates or the Steve Jobs that you want me to be,
that my grades are subpar,
that you think I am a slut,
that my room is unorganized,
that I don’t try hard enough,
that I just want to sleep.
that I’m not the perfect child,
that I don’t play tennis like you wanted me to,
that I quit violin,
that I can’t play the piano like her,
that she’s vibrant while I am an introvert,
that I caused you so much grief and pain
while she is the joy and pride of your life,
that she is happy and that I “make a face”.
No, I’m not sorry.
I tried for you.
I tried to be perfect,
to fix myself,
to look pretty,
to get better grades,
to run faster,
to smile around you,
yet every time I see you, I just can’t.
but you want to know why?
It’s because I made mistakes,
I quit basketball, for you,
I study hard, for you,
I didn’t eat, for days, for you
I tried to seek oblivion for you,
I tried to slash, for you
I overdosed, twice, for you,
and you didn’t care.
but I quit.
I quit wanting to win you over,
I quit trying to be loved,
I just want to be me,
I want to do what I love,
I want to learn from my mistakes and lead my own life.
So, I’m sorry,
but I have to let you go,
and continue with my life,
because at the end of the day,
I am the only person that is there for me.