Remember back then when I said I was all for me yeah I lied
 Writing this at 3 am with my pillow full of tears that I've cried
 Why did I lie maybe because I thought saying it to myself would make it real
 Not only did I not do that I look insincere lying about how I really feel

 When I speak I have few who want to listen
 Now you know why Im always so freaking distant
 Because I don't want to step out of my character to get your attention
 Since I'm not turnt up y'all think that I'm lacking this cool dimension

 Loneliness and self-loathing is a product of this equation
 I'll be fine it's just gonna take the sweet bitterness of patience
 Im tired of walking around with sad eyes and the utterance of sighs
 When all of my trials turn into tribulations how will I arise

 Im Only 18 but I'm feeling like I'm 53
 While my friends are being young, wild and free
 What's the true perk of having an old soul?
 Wisdom and things that'll make me have a heart of gold

 I have too many things going on in my mind
 But no matter how I feel I will never fall behind
 Because words that I speak will always have a purpose
 They say the best things in life are free, no need for a purchase

 Lets start from the beginning, sadness filled me up because no one was there
 But I'm taking a stance and I'm doing it with flair
 You have to close your eyes and open your ears to listen to this vernacular
 I have those kind of words that'll make you think that I'm more than an amateur

 I paint a picture with my words catchiness is for the birds who clock to those who have a funky beat one that where they can  tap their feet
 If you choose to not to listen and not dismiss me because of some superficial bullshhh.

Shh that’s what you’re gonna have to do since the real recognizes real based on what’s true rather than wearing what’s new

 So this is what it is I'm an outcast
 One that lives life always in a contrast
 Thinking of material things you'll be stuck in the past
 While I'm thinking and moving on how I will outlast



Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741