My Winter Heart

I made my choice.

Winter had come over me,

I fought it for a while,

But eventually I caved and let it take me.

Stripping my clothes I laid in the snow,

My back to the ground and my eyes to the sky.

 

Snow enveloped me,

I noticed,

I didn’t feel it.

The white haze of the sky entranced me,

I noticed it,

But I didn’t see it.

Soon the snow became warm with pain,

I noticed it,

I felt it,

I welcomed it.

 

The white haze grew gray and was getting dimmer,

I noticed it,

I saw it,

I wanted it.

Soon sensation was lost,

The cold was gone,

The sky was gone,

I was gone.

I waited.

 

I waited to wake up and see the spring.

See the new life and the change.

All I wanted was the winter to leave me,

And the change to settle in.

 

Yet when I woke,

I felt the cold snow and warm pain,

I noticed it,

I felt it,

I hated it.

When I woke I saw the white haze,

I noticed it,

I saw it,

I dreaded it.

Had I not waited long enough?

Was it just moments ago that the blackness had consumed me?

That my thoughts had finally left?

No.

 

I had missed the spring.

Life had not come to me.

The winter does not leave,

It stays.

 

It stays as long as a person gives themselves up to it.

It stayed when I let myself believe,

That a winter heart,

Could never be made warm.

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