It’s 3am and I can hear myself breathing but I’m questioning the breaths.
What if I told you that I’m not really here?
I am just a blurry vision in the mirror where I slice my wrists and hold them up to God.
Let the sky cry tears that become buried ashes where we will push daisies.
The bloody kisses that scream out for help.
Our hands are dirty.
Let this anger slip my mind.
It’s 3am and I don’t know where I am.
I’m going a little bit crazy.
The doctors don’t know how I’m still alive.
My time is up.
Fear is running up my backbone but I hide it from you.
The last thing I need them to know is that I tried to die.
I can't let them see me from the inside.
I am nothing but skin and bone.
I am the stars falling from the sky when they crash into the ground
or do they disappear?
The ground is breaking beneath me.
I’ll never say that my life was too hard but I suddenly play dead.
Let my heart beat alone in the silence of the room.
No one can hear.
My pleads fall on deaf ears.
It’s 3am and I’m shivering.
I can’t walk into the emergency room and explain what’s happening.
The bombs are exploding inside me.
The time is passing by.
I stop believing in Heaven.
Life falls backwards.
Eyes are dry like the desert sun.
Take a switchblade and cut me open.
Is there a heart?
Am I really here?
I cake my face with makeup to make it look like someone’s there.
A mask set upon the guidelines of a broken society.
Despite my rage and the glass shattered on my floor, I pray quietly.
But what if I told you that I always cared?
That I see people who aren’t really there?
Do you understand how it feels?
Do you understand the sensation of lifelines?
They trickle down my arms like branches reaching for the sun that they’ll never see.
Addiction clenches onto me.
It's 3am when I realize, this is my reality.