Thinking of the days that we could be sure that light

Would always travel faster than monsters trying to catch us at night

But you drink under daylight now too

Thinking of a mother who never hugged you

A father who never taught you how to play ball

So when you tried to catch hope

It would only always and forever slips through your fingers

You were like that tree in the forest that everyone abandoned and so when you fell

You didn’t make a sound

Didn’t cry out for help as the little bugs started invading your mind

Didn’t plead for mercy as people walked over you and left

Footprints on your already misshapen heart

You saw monsters that nobody else has ever seen because you couldn’t escape the darkness

So instead you became one with it

Started expecting everyone to be a monster

Expected it of yourself

See what you didn’t realize is that when you asked your first grade teacher

“Are monsters real?”

And she said no, she wasn’t talking about the kind that live inside your mind

Dressed up in skins of everyone who’s ever left you

Parading around

Pulling just the right heart strings to get you to take a sip and

DRINK

Is what your step-dad said when you were 8

Passing down the gene to addiction

The DNA to alcoholism

The recipe for hopelessness

The cure for happiness

So you spat it up onto the carpet

It was disgusting

But you beaten

Told to clean up the mess on the carpet and you cried “I’m Sorry!”

I don’t think you’ve said it since

Still I’d rather let you hit me, than pretend like the monsters never resurface in your memories

Hit me,

Then cry over the bruises while I make you a dinner that will always be too hot or too cold

Hit me,

Because the only time you let me touch you is when we’re both in desperate need of acceptance

And while you lash out to hurt me

I will only see the sad boy desperately reaching out for mercy

From the monsters you were assured didn’t exist

And I wonder,

Could the teachers tell exactly what demons you were carrying around by the baggage under your eyes

Could they tell exactly what you were beaten with by the bruises?

Could you tell I was thinking of you by the marks on my arms?

And yeah, it’s uncomfortable

Never wanting to admit that just because it’s now my job to check under our bed for monsters

Doesn’t mean I can do anything about it when they’re there

And they are there.

So I’ll turn on the light

Hoping it’ll travel fast enough to save you before the monsters take you away from