#MediocreLove

My mother always told me to be patient

She would tell me wait until you’re thirty to get married

Then again

She would also tell me to find me a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes

My mother would tell me to find a man

Who by description

Was not like my father

My father was not a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes

He was an average sized Mexican with a growing beer belly and a crooked nose

My dad

Was normal

Their relationship was normal

It was so normal that the parents who they hung out with held their relationship up on a pedestal

They looked at my parents as if they aspired to be like them

Yet I would sit and watch those friends of my parents and smile

Smile because I knew they were wrong

My father and mother were not in a perfect relationship

Definitely not one that should be held on a pedestal

But hey

I can’t complain

My parents have never been physically violent towards each other

My dad always brings money home

My mom always takes care of our needs

They take pictures together on their anniversary

My dad always brings her roses

They take us out as a family too

When we can at least

My dad works all day

Or at least pretends to

My parents seem to be doing just fine

But a healthy relationship does not mean a relationship in which you’ve learned to settle with mediocre love

My father does not know how to pay a bill because my mom does it

My father does not know when anyone has doctor’s appointments because that’s my mother’s job

My father gets mad when my mom forgets about an appointment

Screami-

Saying

That she needs to write it down

My father gets upset when food isn’t ready by the time he gets home

Sometimes he doesn’t even get home

Yet there’s food getting cold on his placemat

My mother stays awake through the night until he comes home because she can’t sleep thinking about what could happen to him

My mother cares too much

And yet she doesn’t care at all

She doesn’t mind the fact that my father expects her to remember every detail, every event in our busy lives

She doesn’t mind that my father will grow impatient way too quick

She doesn’t mind that she gets verbally attacked

She doesn’t mind

Or maybe she just can’t tell

She’s settled in such an unhealthy relationship for so long

How does a 45 year old mother with three children start complaining about her husband right before her eldest child goes to college

Mother

The only way I’ll suffer is if you keep letting him beat your sense of self-esteem

Mother

Can’t you see how valuable you are?

Mother the day will come when I stand up for you

I will spill all the words I can possibly muster in the attempt to open his eyes as to what he does to you with his words

I will screa-

Say to him how much it hurts you in hopes he realizes that if he claims to love you so much he would help you, and build you up like a real life partner should

I will fight for you

But not yet

Because if I do now I won’t be able to reply back without getting slapped in the face

Because if I do now I won’t be able to form complete sentences through the tears and gasps of my finding air to breathe since you and I both know that once he starts yelling at me I will cry

Because I

I’m not strong enough yet mother

But I will be

Because I love you

Mother

I will be strong

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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