Just Your Average Manly Man

 

I am a man
I’ve done drugs
I’ve had a girlfriend
I’ve had sex
…once

I may not have liked it

… the drugs I mean
the sex was amazing
drugs are just a way to distract people from their problems
no one ever tells you that your first time
my first time was with a lesbian…


…the sex, I mean…
…and the drugs

I am a man


I have a job
I make money
I do what I’m told because I’m a man
and because men listen to their superiors
Don’t get me wrong I have
a real anarchist inside me
it likes to watch things burn!


I have 3 lighters and I don’t smoke
I still have that pack of cigarette’s I stole from my girlfriend when I tried to help her quit smoking
I should probably give that back to her when I give her her shirt

I am a man
I have three box cutters
…and no boxes
I am a man
the cuts on my legs will tell you that I can handle the pain
or at least that’s what I thought

The cuts on my legs were started by me
…and stopped thanks to my girlfriend
…my now ex-girlfriend

My ex-girlfriend said I was the “girl” in the relationship because I used to cry more than she did. I couldn’t really argue at the time, so I just agreed.

My boss told me I was a “real man” because I wasn’t afraid to go buy her Tampax in the middle of my shift.

I overheard my other boss saying she couldn’t stand men.
Though I never overheard why.

It seems like I always go for lesbians
But hey, men are supposed to like women
right?

…and men are supposed to like women who… like other women



…right?

At least that’s what I’ve been hearing.

Am I a man?
I haven’t started on those scholarships yet
I’ve lost that passion I used to have doing what I love.
Most people supposedly never find their passion
and here I am struggling to get it back

Am I a man?
I can't let her go
I just wanted her gone
but now…

I just want my friends back
I always used to say I didn’t have any
but now I know I was wrong.
Isn’t part of “being a man” knowing when you’re wrong;
Admitting your mistakes?

Is part of “being a man” being overly assertive?
Or is it making women feel safe?
Is part of “being a man” the ability to be emotionless?
Or is it not being afraid to show your emotions?
Is part of “being a man” calling women bad names?
Or is it calling them your friend, because you actually enjoy their company?
Not just because you want sex (because let’s face it everyone does) but because you actually find them to be interesting as human beings.

Apparently I’m considered feminine because I consider myself an artist
and flamboyant because I still have the imagination of a 5-year-old.
Well what do you expect from an aspiring game designer / animator / writer / psychologist

I’m constantly afraid to appear gay when I wear eccentric or expensive clothing
…not that there’s anything wrong with being gay
but no one likes being called something there not
…And I am not a “man”

I consider myself a child
A teenager at best.
I’m 19 and getting closer to 20 every day.

My classmates are all at college.
The ones who aren’t look like they’re doing better than I am.
I’m not independent.
I don’t know half the things I should at this age.
Half the things the other “adults” my age know

but so what?
I am not a man
I am not a child
I am a human being

…And that’s all I will ever claim to be.
Because that’s all I expect from the people around me.

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