Insomnia

Curtains and ceilings are the TVs of late night thought trains

When you can’t think straight

When your mind draws blanks

All the patterns are signals

Made up

Swirling

The creaks you hear are just the voices of the dark

It speaks to you in place of silence

Who can fall asleep when it’s quiet

That small light in the crack of the door

Is something to focus on

Constantly drawing your attention

These thoughts are crazier than the ones you have in the shower

When you pretend it’s rain pouring down your face

These thoughts are darker

And you dissociate 

You separate

Mind from body

Skin from muscle

Thoughts and feelings are confusing

The screen is too bright

And the room is too dark

There’s a pressure on your chest

And you think back to that one playlist 

It keeps repeating

But you can’t quite remember the melody

Forgetting one thought after the other

Even though their happening slowly

They pass by in the blink of your eye

Each second of darkness brings a new idea and moment

You can see it so clearly in your head

And yet when you try and bring the words to your tongue

The pronunciations doesn’t seem right

Even though there’s class in the morning and work to do

Sleep continues to evade you

Why are you awake

Was it the coffee

You’re thinking too much

Maybe it was because you took your medication at the wrong time

The bed doesn’t feel right

The springs are louder than normal

And the snoring in the next room over seems different somehow

The blanket is too heavy and yet you’re still cold

Is this a different pillow

You’re sure it’s not

But that doesn’t stop it from feeling wrong

The room is bigger 

Yet feels suffocating

Dry throat

And that lump just won’t go away

Dehydrated maybe

You could get up and get water

But it’s altogether too cold and too late

Don’t want to wake anyone up

It’s too late

Or maybe it’s super early now

The time is in that moment where you can’t quite tell if it’s morning or night

Either way

You shouldn’t be awake

And yet there and here you are

So tired

Your mind is so loud

A million thoughts 

Too many for someone who just wants to sleep

Just keep staring

Maybe the curtains and ceiling will eventually change channels

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This poem is about: 
Me

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