Insomnia
Curtains and ceilings are the TVs of late night thought trains
When you can’t think straight
When your mind draws blanks
All the patterns are signals
Made up
Swirling
The creaks you hear are just the voices of the dark
It speaks to you in place of silence
Who can fall asleep when it’s quiet
That small light in the crack of the door
Is something to focus on
Constantly drawing your attention
These thoughts are crazier than the ones you have in the shower
When you pretend it’s rain pouring down your face
These thoughts are darker
And you dissociate
You separate
Mind from body
Skin from muscle
Thoughts and feelings are confusing
The screen is too bright
And the room is too dark
There’s a pressure on your chest
And you think back to that one playlist
It keeps repeating
But you can’t quite remember the melody
Forgetting one thought after the other
Even though their happening slowly
They pass by in the blink of your eye
Each second of darkness brings a new idea and moment
You can see it so clearly in your head
And yet when you try and bring the words to your tongue
The pronunciations doesn’t seem right
Even though there’s class in the morning and work to do
Sleep continues to evade you
Why are you awake
Was it the coffee
You’re thinking too much
Maybe it was because you took your medication at the wrong time
The bed doesn’t feel right
The springs are louder than normal
And the snoring in the next room over seems different somehow
The blanket is too heavy and yet you’re still cold
Is this a different pillow
You’re sure it’s not
But that doesn’t stop it from feeling wrong
The room is bigger
Yet feels suffocating
Dry throat
And that lump just won’t go away
Dehydrated maybe
You could get up and get water
But it’s altogether too cold and too late
Don’t want to wake anyone up
It’s too late
Or maybe it’s super early now
The time is in that moment where you can’t quite tell if it’s morning or night
Either way
You shouldn’t be awake
And yet there and here you are
So tired
Your mind is so loud
A million thoughts
Too many for someone who just wants to sleep
Just keep staring
Maybe the curtains and ceiling will eventually change channels
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