I mean 'no' when I say 'yes',

Compulsion to give myself away,

Conversely not,

Get what I truly want.

Don't feel whole,

Desire for love,

Seeking it in the worse places,

Online, dating apps and dates with exes. 

Joy lacking in life,

Especially when careers,

Others,

Shining on my patch.

How is it possible they do this,

I try to match,

When will I ever shine, 

Destined not to be?

Re-build oneself,

Thinking about 'me'. 

Giving pieces of myself away,

Non deserving, left me incomplete. 

Will I ever propser,

Run around all day,

Pleasing and serving others,

No longer the calling of the day. 

Get myself together,

Show you how to 'play',

Years of neglect and depression,

Unsure of who I am. 

Slowly oh so slowly,

Built myself together,

Become the man I am meant to be. 

All the troubles experienced, come

a real mystery. 

Snippets of character,

Emerging,

Embracing laughter 

Gaiety.

Standing in front,

Others is normal,

Talking aloud,

Judge and see,

What others think,

Don't care,

Couldn't survive,

This journey has done to me. 

Strength and fortitude,

Leaps and bounds,

No longer,

Charity. 

When 'Jon Snow' emerges,

Rule with clear clarity,

Killed all the white walkers inside,

Finally embrace my destiny.