I Cried When You Left

I cried when you left but not for the reasons you think,
I no longer had to deal with you and at first I believed it to stink,
You and I had so much history,
But the reasons shouldn't have come as a big mystery,
However I craved your company,
I missed how much you once meant to me,
What we had once was over before we even processed it,
It started with the little things like us pretending to both be sick,
And escalated further with those one-sided screaming matches you appeared so fond of,
I lied to myself and said you were just frustrated and it was a one time thing because I believed in our false love,
A future was planned revolving around a guy who was toxic for me,
You leaving for good put me out of so much misery,
I thank you for leaving,
You were always thieving,
You took and you took without a care in the world,
It may take me awhile to fully rebuild,
Who I was once is buried,
I will say this "I'm glad we never got married",
Those kids that I planned when I dreamt of our future life?
They wouldn't have appreciated me being a shell of a wife,
Those children so innocent?
Their lives would have been ambivalent,
I'm glad they never became another statistic,
That they wouldn't have been exposed to one so sadistic,
I was free with you gone,
I was just upset that I let it go on so long,
The future I planned went up in smoke,
I see you now in town and it's like we never spoke,
I met a new guy recently and he really understands me,
He knows about you and how much you blinded me,
He treats me like a human being, always asks about my day,
Sometimes he'll surprise me with flowers or a spontaneous trip to the bay,
I think I'm falling for him but I'm scared,
What if like you he realizes he never cared?
I'm so messed up don't you see?
Look at what you've done to me!
Will nobody love me as much as they say?
Is this new guy just talking to me to fill up time in his day?
I'll now always question people's intentions,
This paranoid me is one of your inventions,
I cried when you left but not for the reasons you think,
How could I really miss you when you brought my sanity to the brink?

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