I Can't
I can't look at you smiling
Laughing with you is confusing
My best friend such comfort
But I feel so unsafe now
Your touch so overwhelming
To smile, sigh, flinch, or cry
I desire your grip and kiss
I want to talk about living together
I want to have, keep, and own you
I did believe you were all mine
Now I question how much I meant
The power and importance I had
Wasn't as solid as I thought
I can't happily discuss our future
I was somehow robbed of you
I no longer have full joy in us
I need and crave you everyday
But all day damaged feelings arise
The tears shed expected or not
I burst with sadness and rage
Inconsiderate and disrespectful
How could my love be those
My best friend didn't protect me
I wish I can feel as I did last month
I was ignorant but I now know
She has your thoughts and desires
The attention I don't have she got
How could I have allowed this
Such betrayal slipped by me
How inappropriate your speaking
I crumble considering the nerve
Despite my constant presence
My love didn't alter your behavior
Choices made being aware or not
Have put me in the deepest hole
Some strength I find somehow
To keep my pieces together
I can't go a day without pouring out
My hurt can't be reasoned with
I want this all to not be real
But I'm trapped in feelings of loss
The love of my life not all mine
Possible someone else's for good
Not together now but it already kills
To almost not have you at all