This past year has taught me a lot,
And its safe to say it hasn't been easy.
No, its been anything but.
I started it off happy.
New state, new school, new faces, new me.
But little did I know what 2016 would bring.
I was the new girl who everyone wanted to meet.
But still somehow, I found finding friends
More diffcult than it had seemed.
Everyday was a new battle--
Trying to put names with faces and faces with names.
And in the meantime, I found the girls at my new school to be so mean.
I survived until March.
I was tired of the rude friends I was stuck with,
And for me, anyways, they didn't have much of a heart.
I branched out a little more.
I was desperate for relationships.
I met someone and fell in love.
But I destroyed myself in the process.
To be honest,
Some of my best memories are with him.
But it's also because of him that I experienced my darkest moments.
Maybe it was how it ended--
The way neither one of us wanted to leave.
Maybe it was how we began--
The way we never told the truth--about a single thing.
It was during summer when we fell in love.
By August, we didn't speak.
By September, we'd worked up to being friends.
But I was just too weak.
Too weak for a friendship with someone who I really loved--
Or someone I wanted to love.
What even was love?
How could I even love someone when I didn't even love me?
I wish I could be telling you
Of all my successes this year.
But it seems mine was filled more with trials.
Trials to find happiness.
Trials to find peace.
Trials to find someone who could make me love me.
But that's just the thing:
Happiness isn't found in a person--
Or even in things.
Happiness is found in faith
And coming to know that His love is what makes me free.
They say life is full of second chances,
and I wish I could say that I've taken advantage of them all.
But it wasn't until just a few weeks ago
That I decided to change it all.
I let go.
I let go of toxic relationships.
I let go of the past.
I knocked down anything and everything blocking my new path.
I now face each moment with courage,
And I've learned that joy is a choice.
Now, happier than ever, I'll never look back.