Guilt in the Dead of Winter

Dear Penelope

 

We have often discussed

Our least favorite feelings

I have always told you

"Sadness," while you replied

"Guilt," without hesitation

 

I never understood

Why you were obsessed with it

I was sure I'd felt worse

A lost love devastates

But friends can break your heart too

 

From nights we did not sleep

Where you stuck with me by phone

Wasted tears streaming down

To long conversations

Lacking particular subjects

 

I have not felt true guilt

Because I did not think twice

About crying in your arms

But in the next moment

Leaving you for another

 

I know now why you said

Guilt must be the worst feeling

Never have I felt guilt

More than when you left me

And I was forced to ask why

 

I apologize for:

Putting my problems on you

Putting the source above you

Ignoring your attempts

To reach out when I was down

 

But most importantly

I apologize for not

Having the guts to call you

My best friend, and for that

I feel most guilty of all.

 

M

 

 

       

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