Guilt in the Dead of Winter
Dear Penelope
We have often discussed
Our least favorite feelings
I have always told you
"Sadness," while you replied
"Guilt," without hesitation
I never understood
Why you were obsessed with it
I was sure I'd felt worse
A lost love devastates
But friends can break your heart too
From nights we did not sleep
Where you stuck with me by phone
Wasted tears streaming down
To long conversations
Lacking particular subjects
I have not felt true guilt
Because I did not think twice
About crying in your arms
But in the next moment
Leaving you for another
I know now why you said
Guilt must be the worst feeling
Never have I felt guilt
More than when you left me
And I was forced to ask why
I apologize for:
Putting my problems on you
Putting the source above you
Ignoring your attempts
To reach out when I was down
But most importantly
I apologize for not
Having the guts to call you
My best friend, and for that
I feel most guilty of all.
M