This morning I took a hike on a trail I once considered my stomping grounds when I was a child, and the reality set in
I have the choice to decide whether any youth that I have left in me is going to be spent intelligently, or if I've already gone bankrupt
So starting tomorrow, I'm making an investment
I'm opening a life savings account with myself where I will only deposit things that give me knowledge, liberation, and make the best seconds feel like minutes
Because I dont want to look back in 30 years and only remember spending my weekends in a sweaty room surrounded by strangers, seizure inducing lights and deafening music
Nor do I want to reminisce on getting through the week just so I can spend Friday night in someone's foggy garage
Above that, I certainly dont want the muscle memory of clicking on a social media app to be more imprinted in my mind than the memory of my sore muscles as I climb up a mountain
When I was little, i used to climb trees to get a clearer view of the sunset as the pink sky faded to black
Moments later, the darkness would quickly light back up again by the glow of heaven poking through the little holes in the sky that we call stars
They say hindsight vision is 20/20, but no one ever tells you it’s painful and awkward too
And I have concluded the most painfully awkward mistake I can ever make is to dismiss the wisdom that my younger self wants me to know again
So, here I am, 20 years old, sitting on the branch of a tree overlooking my hometown valley
I forgot how scary it is to look down, but how empowering it is that I'm doing it anyway
The bay area morning fog is a hotbox that keeps my spirits high because it’s the closest moment of nostalgia I have that feels like home
Home is a place of safety, security, and love
And I think our homes get robbed as we grow up
But this morning
On this hike I neglected to take for many years
I found my stolen belongings and the rush of internal joy it gave me is something that no one can ever steal