The Future of Doubt

What will I do in the future?
How will I do it?
What am I doing now?

These thoughts parade and ricochet within my mind like a pinball game; loud and forceful.

What’s more important for the future: the stability or attaining a dream?
Most, if not all, teenagers and young adults are worrying about this now.
Every day I sit and worry: will this make my parents proud, what if it doesn’t work out; how will I pay for it, why am I filled with doubt?

We strive so hard to create a name for ourselves, yet there’s always someone or something shooting us down as if we’re some sort of bull’s-eye target. The voices within our minds apprehend us, attack like leviathan bosses in challenging video games and laugh as we fight back and receive more damage than we give.
Money: You’ll never be able to afford that, and if you do, it’s no guarantee you’ll make it somewhere; you’ll just be a waste of your parent(‘s/s’) time and money.
Doubt: You actually think you’re that good to seek that goal? There’s a plethora of people that are ten times better than you’ll ever be; ever heard of the internet?
Ethnicity: There’s no chance of you to do that because you’re Asian/African-American/Caucasian/Hispanic; stay where you belong, where everyone else like you goes.
Pride: How arrogant of you to believe that you can pursue your dream; only about 10% of the world actually attains their dreams, what makes you special?

 

Honestly, constantly hearing these things sicken me, yet sometimes, in my deepest despairs, I begin to think they’re true, and I throw away any progress or opportunities I get: “Why didn’t I sign up for that club/honor society, why didn’t I attempt that scholarship, why didn’t I—“ and so on.
The real questions should be: Why do we doubt ourselves so much? Why does everyone always try to bring another person down?
It’s an endless cycle of self, worry, and doubt between oneself and others fighting for the crown.

Remember when getting a good education almost guaranteed a chance at reaching endeavors?
I believe that when things were like that, people focused less on what they couldn’t do, and strived less to tell others what they couldn’t do. That’s how it should be now.

Let’s face it, things are going downhill, and it’s up to the current and subsequent generations to turn it all around. Yet, how do they hope to do that when their flame of hope and desire is constantly getting drowned? 

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741