This was written on May 5th, 2017, right on the cusp of me diving into a
relationship with my now ex,
It really was a bad match, but,
There was a cognitive dissonance within me,
the men I desire to be with verses the men I end up dating are always vastly different,
I think this poem as a whole represents the gaping hole of voids,
there is a bravery I was trying to have in exposing my vulnerability, my heart.
Here speaking is 24 year old Kianna owning up to her own failure to intentionality,
this is her owning the impatience,
There is an urgency, a yearning, a longing,
and I'm literally begging for my future husband to come.
I always like to think I'm always content single. But truth be told, I'm not always
This other element to it is shoes.
Shoes in a man are very very important to me,
you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he wears,
So in this I'm like guarding the figurative shoes just made for him and only him, so that no imposters come.
I'm like a child saving a seat for my best friend on the school bus, that's how I see it
And I'll guard that seat with my life until I know for sure until friend has arrived.
Putting pen to paper to get real with myself
I miss you,
Even though I haven't met you,,
Even though I havent' prayed for you in awhile.
See, I like the protocol of a man stepping up to the plate,
to care for his woman,
but I can only handle sweet texts and nights going out for so long when it isn't you.
It hurts to know that the ice hasn't probably even begun to unthaw between us,
I want you in my life yet I'm unsure that I'm ready,
People never see me as this romantic,
which is fine because I never want to be associated with any sort of hopeless romance.
I avoid those at all costs, and I keep striving,
I'm careful enough not to allow other men that come along to try and fill in voids,
and set their feet in shoes just made for you,
shoes that you were made to fit and fill.
But still I miss you.
If you are out there, pray for me.
XOXO future bae