Dear Dad,

 

its been years, continuous 

 

I want you to know 

You can not baptize yourself in Liquor 

That ocean is not holy

 

I want you to know 

Your liver will drown, get sicker

Those alters of scar tissue

Only prayers for failure

 

I want you to know

You are the Father, the Son, the Husband

You are that which flickers,

We are that which is to keep you burning

 

I want you to know 

We need your warmth longer

 

I want you to know

I love you has lost meaning 

You’ve slurred the words so often

They are blurry to me 

 

I want you to know

I don’t pray anymore

Ive lost faith in you 

those nightly spirits

are far from holy

 

I want you to know

There are days

I miss the anger and rage you had

 

You repaint moms mugshot around our arguments

As if you are not imprisoned  

The cell walls the inside of your skull

sealed-by dependency

 

There are days

I miss the hard flesh of your hands against my face 

On those days I could have proof of anguish 

On those days I knew it was real 

 

There are days

I wish you would pass

Crucifying yourself around a telephone pole

To end your suffering

to end ours

 to absolve us 

 

Please forgive me Father

For I can’t bear the sight of you

A man

Who is no longer there.

 

Think about it, 

Your bastard daughter