today is the first date, and you’re not you.
he pulls the chair out for you
and you sit.
your nerves are thoroughly wracked
and your palms are clammy,
you put your phone on the table
and you wait.
he’s watching you now.
is the lie written on your face? your expression? your movements? your clothes? your makeup?
it’s a bittersweet sort of nervousness.
you look down
and he looks away.
the silence is deafening.
because you have nothing to hide behind.
instead of a screen, there’s only air
and instead of filters, what you see
is what you get.
you want this to be real. you’ve decided that
you want to be the real you
on the first date.
but it’s difficult.
you have tried so hard to be
be the “Ideal Girl.”
“Ideal Girl” was
and pretty girl
all rolled up into one.
and on Facebook
that girl was you.
without the help of filters
you wonder whether he will like you
who likes reading in the dark,
staying home with family
playing video games in bed
watching documentaries 24/7
making ugly faces at yourself in the mirror
wearing sweats and t-shirts and no make-up.
the you that the world knows through a screen
the you that lives, guilt-ridden, in your heart.
will he understand that you’re not the
that your photos and music and videos and emojis and likes and texts
say you are?
will he want
that second date?
today is the first date, you’re not you,
and you’re about to find out.