I thought about it a lot,
you know. I thought about how
you would curl into my chest 
on those
cold, crisp
nights full of stars. A way of
saying "I love you", but without
the sound, the verbal reassurance.
I thought we would be the ones,
the ones that made it out 
that made it through
that flourished 
that rose from those depths
and were able to release that death-defying 
breath 
and start on a flower path.
However,
life...
...has a funny way of putting up a front
that is rotted out behind it
slowly, but surely falling 
further and further
until
it has 
b rok e n ap a r t
and left the ruined 
ripped up slivers of what 
used to be. A reminder
of why we can never get
too close
for we risk
a moment 
of masks
being

shattered.

Now
I lay here, blood circling
invisibly around this shell
of who i used to be
of what we were
of what i believed 
breathing, hurts now.
Beating heart, slowly silencing 
its own rhythm
in fear that it will
bring a familiar tune 
back and cause nothing 
but a tragic nightly occurrence.
I, am not who I
used to be
I will never
be who I used
to be. 
I will just wait here
letting my skin turn to
frozen snowy ice,
letting my eyes evolve into
the foggiest of 
mountain highways,
and finally
letting my lips and hands turn into 
absolute nothingness 
because what purpose
do they serve
if you aren't here with me?