Evolution of the "Crush"

I lost myself.
 Why do you do this to me?
 Constantly blinding my eyes, clouding my mentality, forcing my heart to beat faster.
 Why do you allow this to happen?
 Powerless, loss of confidence and control, my soul suddenly a robot that moves with your commands.

 I didn't sign up for this when I fell for you.
 You should be taking the blame, but It's my innocence that should be charged. 
 I want to yell and say it's your fault! Make up all these accusations to feel better. 
 But I can only look upon my own self, my own mind for the answers.
 Why is it that it seemed you never noticed.
 Never cared.
 Never saw what was happening.
 Right. In. Front. Of. You.
 Maybe I was an expert at covering up my tracks.

Pretending I didn't glance at you.
 That I never wasted time filling up my thoughts with your presence when I could have been studying for the test that makes up most of my grade.
 Not me. 
 Yes. I lied to you, unless you really didn't notice.
 Then it wouldn't matter that I wrote endless stories about us. 
 Focused on what you liked rather than how much homework I had to do tonight. 
 Tried to follow your every move through the halls, forgetting I was hungry after all...lunch was next period.
 I'm guilty.
 I should tell myself sorry, for all the things I did to ruin myself.
 All the stress I placed, like rocks stacked up.

The heavy load pressing against me, losing strength, breaking through.
 Until I did, break.
 Lost my confidence.
 Lost my brain.
 Lost myself.
 I don't know...
 Was it worth it? I ask myself in present day. 
 Six years later, Six years wiser. I hope.
 What goes on in a female brain when she develops feelings?
 Is there, can there be a piece of Scientific theory to describe what's happening? 
 Why do I care about you?
 For all I know you could be just another guy that I happened to find.

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