Depression

Locations

93550
United States
34° 21' 28.584" N, 118° 3' 55.602" W

I feel like I have these moments where I think it’s okay if I die. 

Like if I were to be diagnosed with a terminal disease,

I wouldn’t be sad or scared to die. 

I would just accept it

as if someone had told me that I had a paper due next period that I forgot to write--

that there was nothing I could do about it

so there is no point in getting hung up.

“I feel like I have these moments where I think it’s okay if I die. 

Like if I were to be diagnosed with a terminal disease,

I wouldn’t be sad or scared to die. 

I would just accept it

as if someone had told me that I had a paper due next period that I forgot to write--

that there was nothing I could do about it

so there is no point in getting hung up,”

I repeated,

but this time aloud. 

I wished I had been thinking this for days,

but I’d been thinking it for weeks.  

I guess what I meant by that

was things are happy sometimes

and sad other times. 

Feelings are ephemeral. 

Life is ephemeral. 

Sometimes I’m sad and I don’t know why;

there was no particular event or hardship that triggered it. 

I’m just sad. 

I know that no matter how happy

I might be in one moment,

that happiness will eventually end. 

That thought alone

is enough to prevent me from being

happy.

 

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