I really am trying. So very very hard.

But the pain from the past makes life in the present feel so hard.

The stressors of today, call back the ghosts of times past.

And I really do not know how much longer I can last.

You have asked of me, a very simple thing.

A rather worthless token to give to the man who made my seed. 

For without you I would surely not exsist.

Certainly you do not ask for an unreasonable gift.

Yet I find myself at crossroads unable to persist. 

I have responsibility's here, but also unto you.

I surely do not know what to do what to do.

I must speak unto you freely tell you why I can not go.

Be with thee there, in the land of pines and snow.

I know you will not be angry, that I never have to fear.

But you will give unto me a guilt which I will always have to bear. 

I need to speak unto you the words.

But I find myself tounge tied.

Lord have mercy on my soul.

For I know that once I tell you this, your's dear father will die.

I would not tell you were there any other choice.

But for many many reasons I have to find my voice.

I have to say no to the man who made and loves me.

Who proveded the seed from which I grew. And forever gently hugs me.

Yes I must tell you no though it kills me deep inside.

To say no to the man that provides for the luxuries in my life.

Please know dear father that I love you.

And were I not pulled two ways.

I would forever follow after ye.

But I must go my own way.