I can’t live without you
I’m not ready to give you up
You have to be there for me
I remember the night I called mom
In tears and you answered. I’m sorry
If I scared you then. But being away just
became too much for me. And I won’t
tell you this but I heard your voice
crack as you assured me everything would
I’m sorry for worrying you.
You were there for me, dad.
I remember the only time I saw you cry.
It wasn’t grandpa’s funeral or grandma’s memorial.
It was the day I came home from religion class after realizing,
I don’t agree with what they’re saying.
I told you I hated our little town,
I didn’t mean it,
but I was so hurt I couldn’t stop myself.
I told you I felt lonely despite being in our house full of people.
I was crying so hard you became blurry
As I dabbed at my swollen eyes you told me how much
you wished you could have given me.
Your voice broke
A little piece of me broke too.
I had never seen you this way.
Tears falling, throat cracking.
You told me how you wished that you could have given me
the opportunities to meet new people and experience amazing things.
How you wished you could have afforded to give me a better life.
You assured me that once I entered college I could meet those people I needed.
I believed you. And you were right.
I met a lot of amazing people
And for a while everything was good
Then you had your heart attack.
Then you had TWO heart attacks.
And my world stopped
Weeks of hospital stays
Constant check ups
I’m lucky that you’re still here.
And I’m so glad that you are
But I can’t help but worry about how long that will last.
Dad, I don’t want to imagine our
House with you in it.
I need you to walk me down the aisle.
I need you to meet my children.
I want my children to be able to remember you.
I need to introduce boys to you.
I need you to tell me that you like them
Dad, I need you to let me go.
Not the other way around.
I can’t imagine a life without you.
I don’t want to.
So please, dad, stay.