I’m scared of myself

For when school starts

See, I’m not depressed

But in form time

 

My mind works overtime

 

Sometimes I stare at grey skies

And end up crying out the lies

I’m taught every single day

Once I had a breakdown

 

A breakdown about some birds

They sounded so distressed

They sounded so depressed

And when there was a silence

 

I thought those birds died

No longer to fly through the winter

But then the frantic chirping

Started all over again.

 

I excused myself from class

Tears blurring my vision

Mind whirring, blurring

Blurring, blurring, blurring

 

I knew where I had to go.

To the school counselor

Where people would listen

And not declare me insane.

 

Being on the waiting couch

Did nothing to calm my brain

Silence coming in waves

All that mattered was the birds being okay.

 

But I knew that I wouldn’t even

Give a damn if I wasn’t sad myself

And I only cared because the loneliness

Was a reflection of myself.

 

I don’t even know if I got that right

But it’s similar to that scene in

Catcher In The Rye, my favourite

Book of all time, when Holden asks.

 

Asks about the ducks on the lake.

And he really means, will I be okay?

Will I be okay? Will I be okay?

 

Or maybe I was sad because

It just looked sad, I don’t know.

All I know is, the counselor

Helped me a lot that day.

 

So did my favourite class

That I went to after being a freak

The whole of Period One.

 

Anyway, what if I do that

Too often? Will people

Just roll their eyes

As I bawl mine out?

 

What if I did that to a teacher

Who just didn’t understand?

What then? What then? What then?

 

I think I’ll be fine, I won’t over-analyze

Because winter is over, over, over

And the form time sky doesn’t

Look so damn depressing anymore.