I’m scared of myself
For when school starts
See, I’m not depressed
But in form time
My mind works overtime
Sometimes I stare at grey skies
And end up crying out the lies
I’m taught every single day
Once I had a breakdown
A breakdown about some birds
They sounded so distressed
They sounded so depressed
And when there was a silence
I thought those birds died
No longer to fly through the winter
But then the frantic chirping
Started all over again.
I excused myself from class
Tears blurring my vision
Mind whirring, blurring
Blurring, blurring, blurring
I knew where I had to go.
To the school counselor
Where people would listen
And not declare me insane.
Being on the waiting couch
Did nothing to calm my brain
Silence coming in waves
All that mattered was the birds being okay.
But I knew that I wouldn’t even
Give a damn if I wasn’t sad myself
And I only cared because the loneliness
Was a reflection of myself.
I don’t even know if I got that right
But it’s similar to that scene in
Catcher In The Rye, my favourite
Book of all time, when Holden asks.
Asks about the ducks on the lake.
And he really means, will I be okay?
Will I be okay? Will I be okay?
Or maybe I was sad because
It just looked sad, I don’t know.
All I know is, the counselor
Helped me a lot that day.
So did my favourite class
That I went to after being a freak
The whole of Period One.
Anyway, what if I do that
Too often? Will people
Just roll their eyes
As I bawl mine out?
What if I did that to a teacher
Who just didn’t understand?
What then? What then? What then?
I think I’ll be fine, I won’t over-analyze
Because winter is over, over, over
And the form time sky doesn’t
Look so damn depressing anymore.