My life has been hidden by a set of horizontal blinds.
I’m afraid to open them up to people’s minds,
But when I do,
I have to put my Ray Ban’s on to help keep my cool.
Because everyone’s judgment is so disguised
And I am forced to shade my feelings and to not advertise
All of the pain and suffering from my emotions.
Keep your charitable words to yourself, I don’t need promotions
To make me feel valuable.
Keep your lies underneath the table,
As if you understand all that I have been through,
I won’t let this situation become misconstrued.
I too represent the black youth
Now watch me make shit happen
Watch me reveal the truth.
I now have your curiosity
But at the end of this piece
I will hold your attention.
Because you don’t know what hides behind my blinds.
Hiding behind my blinds, I notice
A two year old tugging on his mothers arm
But again, there is no reply
This has happened before, first thought is that there’s no harm
Until everyone finds themselves asking why?
She had her share of addiction
But she claims its her high
To get away from all the friction
And to say good bye.
Juggling the image of a perfect wife and mother
Conversing on occasion, dope man would appear as her brother.
Rather than facing true life
And not being the accustomed mother and wife,
She chooses to take the easy way out.
Seems like every time shit gets tough,
Thats the only option, without a doubt.
Today is the day that her body has had enough.
By shooting up cocaine damn near every day
This was destined to be the way.
Now this father and son are left
Mother and wife-less.
I fear what lies outside of my blinds
I fear that one day it’ll corrupt my children’s minds
Who am I to say what the future imposes
All the naive people will let stuff happen right underneath their noses.
So ill hide behind my blinds so I don’t become infected
I don’t want to be another who is expected
To fail and fall
And be locked up behind bars with only one phone call.
Behind my blinds, I have enough familiarity
Due to a grown ass man and his immaturity.
My blinds protect me from the dangers outside
So sad to watch that baby cry when his mother died.
Some people have a difficulty getting by in life
Prostituting, drug dealing, and killing someone with a knife.
They don’t have a set of blinds to hide behind;
That privilege has officially been declined.
Slingin’ drugs to a 12 year old to make it by
Just to get that money that stacks up to the sky.
Little do they know, they pollutes our future
The fate of our nation will forever remain poor.
So today I choose to let you look into my life
Because what I’ve seen, I learn from
And it’ll make me a damn good wife.
I’ve had enough happen to make me numb
But I won’t let it bring me down
Not with all the positive influences I have around.
When people look within my blinds
What do they see internally?
Its a rare moment that I allow people to see,
So let me take this brief moment to explain what I can
Because I’m afraid that you may not agree.
I can’t afford to let my emotions slip away,
But I know it won’t change on Monday or Tuesday...
So if someone were to look into my blinds,
See my personal experiences...
They would find a broken heart lying in a vacant box.
A broken heart from a broken father and daughter relationship.
After all, it took two to make me and without one, I am incomplete.
No mending can be done
He can’t generate time, can he?
But thats beyond the point because this war has already begun.
I remember us watching airplanes arrive and depart
But suddenly I felt our relationship fall apart.
Airplanes reminded me so much of you…
Because I realized how quickly you could leave too.
Funny because we never saw the same plane twice,
And I noticed that was our first goodbye
But it seems like I had to pay the price.
This cancerous heart, spreads to my mind
My trust for people has suddenly become blind.
Now I’m stuck here trying to figure out what I should do,
Do I let him in
Or do I let him suffer too?
My poor stepmother…
He left her there to smother
In the lack of love he provides
After 14 years, they’re just realizing their love has died.
Shame on him… she would’ve been the perfect bride.
He got three babies with her but of course…
No ring on the finger.
Disappoints me to see her love linger.
That man is so afraid of commitment,
He wouldn’t know how to love, even if he knew what it meant.
Weak and cowardly in all aspects of life.
Being around him feels like a knife
Cut deep in my throat because I’m always silent
I’m afraid to speak to him, because he is violent.
Swing those mighty fists at me
And I’m afraid that I can’t and won’t be much friendly.
There’s too much damage that has already been done
Shame on him, I bet he thinks he won.
But when he wants my love back,
I’ll tell him that my bags have been packed.
That I just didn’t go because I wanted him to see
How quickly I too could come and leave.
If he thinks that I can forgive him
He’ll be down on those knees until they bleed.
I feel no sympathy for a man who stumbles into the house
That smell of weed and alcohol all over his blouse!
I’m so afraid of what happens to my little ones
They know he’s coming to grab them, first thing they do is run…
Snatches up the 7 year old
He’s officially uncontrolled…
She starts balling in his strong arms
But she’s the only who is alarmed…
No one else is around usually
But I refuse to let this brutality
Occur with me in the presence
In this residence.
I run to speak the words she no longer has.
This house filled with rage…
I have got to get my sisters out of this dangerous cage.
Lord, who knows what will happen next
I’m afraid that this situation has become too complex.
I’m not one to usually pray
But I’ve got to make sure that this situation does not remain the same
So I ask that:
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.” 
I pray that God remains by my side
Because this is not how life should be.
I want to help my sisters recognize
That their mind and body are free.
This devil has affected way too many lives.
The mood dies in the room every time he arrives.
Could you imagine being in this type of situation?
Well guess what, this is almost half of our nation.
So many children are crying for love
But these are the types of things that people fear to speak of.
So when you look behind my blinds
Don’t you dare tell me what kinds
Of shit you’ve been through
Until you’ve been through mine.