A Beady-Eyed Girl in a Messy Bun


Who am I without a filter?

Before I adjust the contrast, saturation, shadows, and sharpness of my image.

Before I change the filter to Mayfair or Valenica.

Before I get my make up and hair just right.

So, before my weak lashes are long and clumpy.

Before I color my lips a matte nude.

Before my cheeks are bronzed and contoured.

Before my hair is fried by the straightener

And before I modify the brightness to hide the blemish on my face. 

And before I blur out the background of my messy room.

Who am I without all of that?

Who am I before I stand in front of the window, to get the perfect lighting, to achieve the perfect seflie, so that my followers can validate my appearance? 

I'm a beady-eyed girl in a messy bun. 

I'm a simple girl who loves to sing, exercise, dance like no one is watching, and learn random, useless random facts.

Did you know that snowflakes are made up of about 200 ice crystals?

I'm a curious girl on a journey.

I want to see the whole world.

I want to go to China and practice my Mandarin.

I want to go salsa dancing in Cuba.

I want to make authentic pizza in Italy. 

I'm just an ordinary girl who has gotten her heart broken, multiple times.

I'm an ordinary girl with a dysfunctional family.

And sometimes I spend too much time on my phone.

And one of my favorite delicacies in life is peanut butter and jelly on a toasted English muffin.

My favorite part of the day is when I get to jam out in my car to my mixed CD's.

I cry at the end of Finding Nemo, every time. 

And I plan all of my days out with a planner.

I worry about my future.

Am I going to be happy? Are my loved ones going to be okay?

Because I love living in the now.

I would rather spontaneously treat my best friends to a night out,  than invest in a Michael Kors bag though.

Priorities, I suppose?

At the end of the day, when I go the comfort of my own home, and I am my most authentic self, I'm just a beady-eyed girl in a messy bun.

My followers don't want to see the beady-eyed girl in a messy bun though.

So, I give the people what they want. 

A filtered image of my temporary wide eyes and pouty, full lips.

I mean hey, that's me too. 

This poem is about: 


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