Carlyn Frye

Why I Write Scholarship

08/10/2013

Troubling Inspiration

 

Married, four kids, a big household

Working for a company with a huge work load

Long days, late nights, stress level getting high

Trying to make money for her family to get by

 

Too much, too fast, life crashed down like a wave.

Bringing her down like the whole roof caved

Battled depression every second of her life time

Her happiness and health  on a quick decline

 

Daddy started fights with his distant stares

She was starting to wonder if he was even there

Less love, more hate seemed to creep inside

A long happy marriage about to divide

 

As I stood on the side wondering and naïve

Scarred yet angry when Dad threatened to leave

Where is my mother with her glowing smile

Her hurtful words poured out like steaming bile

 

She finally had enough, without saying goodbye

Made a mixed cocktail of Benadryl and wine

I remembered that night as she laughed uncontrollably

As the drugs sank deep with a deadly potency

 

Loopy and half gone she mumbled what she had done

Dad got her in the car, a creeping darkness he had to outrun

Doctors pumped out all of the hopelessness and death

With his children’s faces in his head he held his breath

 

She came home the next day not knowing what was in store

He put her away to save her from herself and to look for a cure

I, without my mother three months to long

Lost in this chaos not knowing what’s gone wrong

 

I needed an outlet, a way to vent

To many feeling left inside to ferment

A pen in my hand, a blank page before my eyes

I started to paint all the pain in our lives

 

This struggle was my highest mountain

Words came pouring out like an unforgiving fountain

As I laid out my thoughts on after the other

It was like walking outside for the first time in summer

 

I write to get the pain out, for a relief in my heart

A tragedy, true, but I found my start

I’ve finally got my mother back and she stronger than ever

As family we encourage her to push on for the better

 

I found my voice threw some ink on a page

A passion of mine that will never age

It takes something hard to knock you down

But it takes greater strength to get off the ground

 

Instead of holding it in, bottled inside

My thoughts and feelings found wings and they fly

So there it is, that’s why I write

And let me tell you, the future looks bright

 

 

Thank you for your consideration