loathing
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Sometimes it comes at night. Or first thing in the morning. After I drink tea. Or have sex.
Once it was after the man I loved told me he’d never leave. Then once again when he left anyway.
Darkness and isloation
the only two things I ever used to know
mind your business
hold your head down
don't let anyone know you are here
you exist
you take up space
but that doesn't matter
Abhorrence burns my fingertips
the tongue in my palms
coaxing...
the yells from my throat
it’s like barbed wire
on porcelain skin-
Am I
Am I beautiful?
I know you tell me everyday
That I’m more radiant than the sun
But I don’t believe it for a second
That I’m even remotely attractive
Am I
Am I smart?
All the feelings I have choked down have finally ignited in my stomach. All the words I cannot say (as they are not “acceptable”) have given over to acidity, and begun to boil in my belly.
I can’t place it
I want to cry but I’ve passed that point
So far deep
releasing this would require energy
and I have none.
I’m furious and it’s overwhelming
I’m angry at myself
The Dreams of Tomorrow
Contest entry for Payne County Youth Services 2015, 8th annual contest. As of 12/12/15, results and placements have not been released yet. When they are, I’ll post that in an edit if I placed.
The hollow persists in the space you've wrapped aroundBut the inner circle containsEmptiness, loneliness, painLike the drip, drip, dripThe flow from my brainIt never turns off, never goes, never slows
