Yet & Still

Wed, 10/30/2013 - 15:27 -- Jbabe

Poem: yet and still 
•In one piece yet broken
•Showing a smile yet crying inside 
•In a room full of people yet so alone
•I speak yet no one hears me
• Laughing and joking yet so quiet and empty inside 

I hear the people around me and they talk with a fullness I once knew. They converse and socialize, while I blend ever closer to the shade of the wall.
I feel myself slipping in and out of reality. 
I become ever more conscience of people that I once called friend, walking out on me .
I do so dearly love my friends but as I watch the fruits of our laborious friendships die ever-so- quickly. I question is this my fault? can I do anything to change it? 
I now come to realize that it is no fault on anyone else's part but my own. I have made my bed and now I must lie in it. I am a unstable crooked line that can not straighten out. I feel my days with longing for something far great that what is set before me, and yet and still I can just feel it just out of my grasp. 
To be so close yet so far from something you want so badly, that it can drive you to insanity is a death wish. 
I bargain with my life, I can say I'll fight for you, die for you, but until the unfortunate choose is weighted upon my shoulders, my talk is worthless, It always has been and it always will. 
I as a child I dreamt of my word finding their way into the world like poe, or Hawthorne.
But my words are stones that I cast into a lake of uncertainty and emptiness.

Who can I shout to? How much louder must I scream before they hear me? How much longer before my dark lows become stilled with happy suns and hearts? How much longer before I feel important to someone other than myself? How much longer until I do feel important to myself? Who am I to ask such ridiculous questions? 
I'm a girl who stares in the mirror wonder if this is the best I am?
The girl who puts up a front when her friends walk by
That girl who questions every little detail every little mistake, and judges herself before someone else even gets the chance.

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