Why… Why do I feel this way?

Feelings of fears and insecurities haunting me every day

My heart pounds like a ticking time bomb clock

Whenever I tried or forced myself to talk

The way I'd dream about being with groups of friends

Was only one of my silly, daily trends

How my heart ached for others to feel what I feel

The hurt and the pain always concealed

Every night I'd go to bed

Crying and wishing that I were dead

I’d pent up and hide my true emotions

Apathetic and numb just to get through the daily motions

When I go to school there is no change at all

I am ripped apart by those who ignored and judged me, making it hard to stand tall

I suffered and received the low grades I didn’t deserve

Because I didn’t speak the truth of why they were the way they were

I am the one girl in the back of the room

Who is given the common clichés yet just wants to bloom

But I don’t care of the judgements they make

As long as my reputation is safe

Every day I go home and think of what was wrong with me

Making a way to try and dispose of myself easily

But nothing came and I hated myself for that

I cried to God saying, "Why am I still here, can't you see all the things I lack?"

But nothing came and I stayed where I was

Cursing his name and losing my trust

Why couldn't he just tell me something, anything, even a little lie

Hearing anything come from his lips would be better than not knowing...

Why?