To whom it may concern…

I never meant to disappoint but I guess it just comes naturally

Just like the mood swings I have noo control over and I guess this is my apology?

…So I will start off with “I’m sorry”

I’m sorry for letting one too many people down, for trying to do the right thing but not getting any thanks out of it, not one damn simple thing (I mean you are suppose to report self mutilation, right?)

Oh, good, just checking because my reward for doing the right thing was losing all my friends cause her boyfriend made everyone hate me, I guess that’s what you call a best friend now a days but I’m one to talk

You would think I’m making this up, that it’s all in my head but I received a text message sometime in May but now my EX best friend, telling me I ruin lives and to get out of hers but can I expect for liking her little brother?

I win, right…? I ended up with the boyfriend but oh wait..i think I just lost my best friend

Damn it, I thought this one was actually going to work out but here it goes again…mommy always told me I could never keep a friend.

So getting back on track…I’m sorry for never listening and not trying hard enough I guess you can say I’m the type to just quit when times get rough.

Some people actually tell me I’m strong and yeah I have been through a lot..but then again, haven’t we all?

Ya see I have this problem, and I know it but can’t control it, where I make everything bigger than it needs to be, and in no way am I admitting I like drama cause that is far from the truth so let’s just call me “ultra sensitive”…does that work for you?

So let’s get back to where we point out my flaws so we can be done with that and then we can all move on.

This is for my mom and dad who truly do mean the world to me and whatever I say; I really do mean…I’m sorry for giving up, for never pushing myself, I was always good but never the best. I’m sorry for having such BIG dreams with little motivation that just never seems to add up, leaving me wishing and wanting more rather than doing and living. I’m sorry for not being healthy, for getting sick, making you have to worry more than you should. I wish we could have blamed it on stupid puberty instead of some ridiculous and overrated chronic disease. I guess I feel like I failed you and I aim to make you proud and I’m sorry for being a complete mess and not more like Aud…

Speaking of my sister, let’s move onto them, we’ll start with the oldest down to the little freshmen.

Natasha I’m sorry for the consistent attitude you receive from me about once a year when we are able to see each other, if we’re lucky. Finding out I had a sister 10 years older than me was big and now look I am going to be your bridesmaid on April 15^th, 2012. That’s four-one-five-two-zero-one-two. How can I forget? When everyone is just so damn f**king excited they can’t help but bring it up every freaking day…

Next up is Jennifer, I’m going to be straight forward here, I’m sorry you fucked up your life but that doesn’t mean you need to ruin mine. I really do love my niece and nephew but being an aunt at 17 while my nephew is more than half my age isn’t the kind of lifestyle I was expecting. I’m sorry to have to put all the blame on you but you really are the main reason daddy can’t trust his little girls. I’m sorry that I won’t ever be free and find the time to “hang out” and I can’t help but ignore you when you address me as “lil’ sis”. But ya know what, here’s a positive, thank you for showing me exactly who not to be.

Adriana’ s turn, and this is actually sincere, I’m sorry for making life be a competition and always having to win. I try to be that perfect twin, the one that everyone thinks that we are, but in reality we couldn’t be more far apart. I’m sorry for getting in the way, for not fitting your standards. And I want you to know that no matter what we always do have each other in the end. I hide the jealousy, and the comparing really does have to stop. How many times can I wish I didn’t have these freckles and have to watch my weight to look as good as you? Being so dependent on someone is harder than it looks, just know I need you, always have and always will.

Marissa is last and I have an important message to say, I’m sorry for letting you down, for not being that big sister you needed of me. We have always clashed but I never hated you and I’m sorry for making you believe that it was actually the truth. I’m sorry I didn’t prepare you for middle school. You were ready to give up, and I was pushing you toward the edge. I feel grateful we had a warning sign before it was too late but I have to say that second note really scared us, but I’m happy your still here. But entering high school with a bruised ego is tough and I swear if I know you are getting called…those things again I will show you, prove to you I can be that big sister you have always been yearning for.

Just when I thought I was done, I forgot a special someone, the star of the show. I’m sorry I make life so hard by over thinking and overreacting. I take it out all on you, I never give you enough credit but here it goes…you may regret things and live in the past but you grow and move on and learn from those mistakes. You struggle, but you succeed. You may cry, breakdown and pity yourself but you don’t stay down for long. You realize the people around you that love and support you. You pray when you are at your weakest. You help those in need. You put others before yourself, but now start caring about you. Be happy and don’t let that smile of yours fade away, you never know when it can make someone’s day. I love you..oh wait, that somebody I was talking about, well it’s me.