Loving you came in waves.
At first, the water only touched my toes
With text messages and winking emojis
Then the water was to my ankles
You texted me every day,
It didn't matter what we talked about
We just wanted to talk,
About anything, about everything
Then the water started to reach my calves
And though I was standing in the ocean
The water never felt so warm
Because, your voice at 3 pm on a Saturday
And at 1 am on a Wednesday
Felt soothing and not filled with lust
And as I felt the water rise and rise
My brain continued sending signals
That I was in danger.
That every muscle in my body
Was telling me to move
To shallow waters but the sole willpower
Of my heart kept me in place.
And with every "I love you baby girl"
My heart fluttered but my lungs filled with water.
With every, 2 am phone call my mind
Maintained its first class ticket to the mile high club
But my body was being sucked I
Into the deepest crevasses of the ocean floor.
With every “I'm sorry baby, I know I was wrong."
My ears which were used to only hearing the best phrases
And melodies were confronted with harsh and toxic language.
So there I am, my brain sending signal after signal saying
"DANGER PLEASE REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION"
I stayed and held you closer.
With every word you spoke
And every smile you watched the water swallow me whole.
You watched and pretended it wasn't happening.
And when you left the water continued to swallow me whole
Except for this time you weren't there with your
"I love you baby girl I am always gonna be here to support you"
Your parting words were
"I'm sorry this is hurting you so much"
AS IF you couldn't just reach out and lend me your hand
To help me out of the water and to safety, to the warm and solid ground.
Loving you came in waves
And before I knew it I was sucked into a strong current
Without a lifeguard on duty and left to fend for myself
I am drowning
And there you are watching from the shore.