Sad to say

To my dismay

I waste away my day

Trying to find the words to say

To make you stay

But my silence just pushes you away.

 

So here I am instead

Laying here in bed

Listening to voices in my head

Listening to what you said

Listening to my silence,

Dead silence.

 

That silence in my ear

That silence in your tear

That silence drawing us near

That silence bringing us here.

That silence.

That silence that all could hear.

The loudest silence of the year.

 

I didn’t know silence could be so loud.

The voices in my head are so loud.

And I allow them to plow

The cloud of thoughts that crowd my brain.

Stop!

 

It never stops.

The thoughts of you

The thoughts askew

The thoughts I fought

I fought the thoughts but I always lose

I lose to thoughts of you.

 

I lose to you

I lose to you

I used to lose to you

I used to lose the views of losing you

Stop!

 

I just want the voices in my head to stop.

I want the words that you said to stop

I want the lying in my bed to stop

Because it reminds me of before.

Before the confusion,

Before the delusion

Before the illusion

Of having and loving you.

Before I wasted away my day

Trying to find the words to say

To make you stay.

Because nothing good can stay.

 

But I’ll save that for another day.

For now I’ll listen to this silence,

This silence

This silence

This silence generated by the voices in my head.