As a high school student, I tight-roped between per-pressure and a need for perfection.
Only to fall into, what feels like, a never ending rabbit hole of anxiety.
“Be an intelligent student in middle school to be in honor classes in high school.”
“Be an active student in high school to get a full-ride for college.”
“Be successful in college, to have a successful career.”
Every rule book and to-do list etched and sketched I followed to a T, but still managed to fuck up the first two without even being given a proper fight.
With senior graduation a week away, I crawl under my rock, licking my wounds, wondering if college will be more forgiving or the last straw that breaks me.
And as much as I want to stay nestled under my safety burrow, my mind can't stop itching.
Ticking constantly with thoughts of 'what if '.
“ I know middle school destroyed my self-esteem, but what if in college, I could rebuild it?”
“ I know most of my high school teachers didn't care enough to teach, but what if my college professors are different?”
“ I know I worry about paying college tuition to the point that I don't want to attend, but what if I win a scholarship? What if I go to college and become successful enough to take care of myself and my family?”
As much as I want to flea from my fear of failure, I turn to face it in my rusty armor.
Hoping this battle will be my last as I optimistically charge towards the unknown.