Guess you can never tell who's really suicidal

It hurts so much you wanna end your cardiac cycle

What's the point...smoke a joint or cut yourself with a razor blade point

when the blood flows the flood slows

for a second you feel alive till you start to realize your fears rising back up into your brain

numb it with novacain or cocain its okay

maybe itll be the one that does it

these drugs'll be the ones that numb it

but that's just it....i'm tired of being numb

life's beating me down like a drum

a locker full of hurt is what I've been shoved into

except I'm not skinny so I won't quite fit through

Maybe if i just throw it all up

erase all this pain over an empty porcelain cup

bolemic

thats what they call it now

well calm down... I don't expect you to understand

I can't stand all the names they label me with

all the pressures they staple me with

Just get out

You don't get what's in my mind

and if you did you'd want to die

just like me

one bullet and its over see....why I'm another suicidal case

In case your wondering no I don't like my face...either

Or anything about me

Im plain with features I wish I could change

The people I love all leave in time

just another thought to add to my mind

Not too much room left in that asylum of anxiety

but I somehow fit more into this fat body I reside in 

I wish I could start crying

but those days are gone...I'm trying

but they won't come anymore

I can't see the sun anymore

Now its just me 

left here in the streets while my throat aches in defeat

holding my bleeding heart while Im struggling to even breathe

Its deceiving isn't it

What I look like from the outside

these walls I've built up so high

These walls are built to hide

but the funny thing is now they just make me feel trapped

have to put on a mask and act

I can't show anyone what's underneath

No one understands this beast beneath

Not worthy of a single pleasure

I've sunk so far down its hard to measure

And no I don't need your pity

I don't want your attention or for you to tell me that I'm pretty

I won't believe you

because my mirror tells me differently

So I hurt myself intentionaly

self harm is my remedy

but it doesn't seem to complete me

inside I still feel empty 

burning alive but you can't have entry

I won't let you see inside

I'm too terrified that you'll analyze 

and decide its time to move on in life

and all it takes is one more cut

one more touch and one more blunt

to push me over the edge again

so its back to the bed put the razor in

time to spend time with my only friend