Trapped In Sadness

Location

Guess you can never tell who's really suicidal
It hurts so much you wanna end your cardiac cycle
What's the point...smoke a joint or cut yourself with a razor blade point
when the blood flows the flood slows
for a second you feel alive till you start to realize your fears rising back up into your brain
numb it with novacain or cocain its okay
maybe itll be the one that does it
these drugs'll be the ones that numb it
but that's just it....i'm tired of being numb
life's beating me down like a drum
a locker full of hurt is what I've been shoved into
except I'm not skinny so I won't quite fit through
Maybe if i just throw it all up
erase all this pain over an empty porcelain cup
bolemic
thats what they call it now
well calm down... I don't expect you to understand
I can't stand all the names they label me with
all the pressures they staple me with
Just get out
You don't get what's in my mind
and if you did you'd want to die
just like me
one bullet and its over see....why I'm another suicidal case
In case your wondering no I don't like my face...either
Or anything about me
Im plain with features I wish I could change
The people I love all leave in time
just another thought to add to my mind
Not too much room left in that asylum of anxiety
but I somehow fit more into this fat body I reside in 
I wish I could start crying
but those days are gone...I'm trying
but they won't come anymore
I can't see the sun anymore
Now its just me 
left here in the streets while my throat aches in defeat
holding my bleeding heart while Im struggling to even breathe
Its deceiving isn't it
What I look like from the outside
these walls I've built up so high
These walls are built to hide
but the funny thing is now they just make me feel trapped
have to put on a mask and act
I can't show anyone what's underneath
No one understands this beast beneath
Not worthy of a single pleasure
I've sunk so far down its hard to measure
And no I don't need your pity
I don't want your attention or for you to tell me that I'm pretty
I won't believe you
because my mirror tells me differently
So I hurt myself intentionaly
self harm is my remedy
but it doesn't seem to complete me
inside I still feel empty 
burning alive but you can't have entry
I won't let you see inside
I'm too terrified that you'll analyze 
and decide its time to move on in life
and all it takes is one more cut
one more touch and one more blunt
to push me over the edge again
so its back to the bed put the razor in
time to spend time with my only friend
 

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