Tomorrow

You see it everywhere

"oh 2016 was the worst!"

"man, I think 2016 was the real 2012"

2016 was the year where it felt like everything was cursed

 

I was apart of the masses - 

my life had been topsy turvy since the move

from my precious north to the judgemental south

living in a place where it seemed like everyones mission was to disprove

 

all that mattered

was their own advancement

because people were never content with who they were

"there was always room for enhancement"

 

my identity was constantly under fire

my life had begun to feel like a war zone

we lived a while with no income

and my home life was thrown into a cyclone

 

my mother spent days on the couch

not knowing what to do next - 

imagine that,

my rock was constantly perplexed 

 

my grandmother became a diagnosis 

she was no longer my mother 

she was now an alzheimer patient

she was just like every other

 

from one day to the next

a cloud had grown above my head

it would weigh, it would rain

and it would watch me as I bled

 

the smiles had faded

the jokes were fake

my day to day life now

a constant wonder "was I a mistake"

 

I knew what was going on

yet I didn't

see, when you were raised to be selfless

admitting you have a problem was forbidden

 

I was "smart and funny"

and was "going to do so many things"

I was bright and light

with words that brought tears to people eyes

 

how could I have depression

 

and so came the trips to the doctor

my mother wanted me to get better

but she wanted, needed, a logical answer

yet she had never met her

 

She was not logical

 

the cloud came and went when she wanted to

sometimes she was weightless -

those were the days I just needed a raincoat

sometimes I was permanently drenched

with an umbrella that could never protect me

 

I was making progress

I was understanding her more

yet nothing could stop the sadness

or the general desire to not do anything

 

try telling that to a workaholic single mother

who broke her back to keep us afloat

"You're just being lazy"

was my favorite quote

 

I have since decided to stop talking about it

it is the worst thing to do, they say

but I have been doing better than I was before

and I can now keep her at bay

 

I may be alone

and I may feel exactly the same

but trying to make others happy

is to blame

 

because nothing beats seeing a smile

so innocent and so wide

while I fight for something just as genuine - 

this keeps me satisfied

 

I may never get better

or I may get better tomorrow

I may never know

the joy of others will forever be my goal, though

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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