You say it as if it's easy,
As if I could just flip a switch and end the constant mental processes
As if I haven't been trying my whole life to find a way to
You say it so judgmentally, as if it’s just a mere annoyance,
Just fix the affliction, this unfortunate side effect of personality,
Certainly not a fundamental part of me,
As if all I needed was for them to tell me that I need to stop
And suddenly I can turn it off, gee thanks so much for your condescending command to
You say it so dismissively, as if it's nothing to trifle with, I just need some initiative.
Like it can be easily fixed.
Like the solutions right in front of me and you don't have to bother understanding...
Why are you so serious?
You need to let it go
You need to be mentally tough
But how can I let go of things I have not yet accepted>
How can I be "tough" if I'm biting back my tongue and swallowing my frustration,
Because I internalize everything?
And before I let go I have to process what's internalized.
You can't move forward if you're stuck reliving the same moment over and over
Because you can't find a solution, I can't have that resolution,
I need closure so I can come closer to acceptance.
You say it like it's something that needs to be fixed.
It has taken me years to get to this point,
To understand that maybe my process isn't wrong, it just works differently,
That maybe my mind isn't the enemy,
That in trying to shut off that cacophony... I lose perspective
I do not understand what it's like to not fixate on every mistake that I make
But I also do not understand what it's like to miss out on the lessons that I can uptake.
Maybe I think too hard about my failure because I am someone who thrives when I can grow And strives for perfection
I want to be better
I want to be the best for you all
But I want to do it my way.
You say it as if I am something that needs to be fixed
But I don't think so anymore.