Loving someone means that you care about them.

Being in love with someone is feeling

absolutely comfortable and trusting

and knowing that no matter what,

I COME FIRST.

I can't ever go back to you,

because you weren't faithful

and you never respected me.

Yes, I know you love me.

Yes, I know you care about me. 

But you messed me up.

Fu**ing big.

I told you I had issues with that sh*t. 

You told me when we first met that

I seemed as if I wasn't interested in getting to know you,

and you said you were determined to break down my walls. 

I told you I'd been hurt too many times

and I was running from the heartache.

You said you were different,

and that I had nothing to fear.

Why didn't I keep running?

I should have kept running.

Every fear I let you know,

you used against me.

I am sorry for whatever I wasn't enough of.

I tried. 

And I do love you, but no

I am not in love with you.

I can't stay in this circle of rehashing

and regretting

and self-hatred

for what I could never give you.

I am just now coming to terms with the fact

that I was never the problem.

I was never too broken to be loved.

You were the problem.

You were not gentle enough to hold my broken pieces.

You were not steady enough to love me right.

Now I have someone

who holds me tight

until I feel whole.

Someone who treats me with respect,

he only wants me,

and he knows his limits.

I am not a toy to be played with.

I am not some doll you can toss around.

I am a human,

a lover,

a fighter,

I am sad,

and happy/

I am lost,

and found.

I have so much love to give,

and I am so worth it.

So, thank you for showing me

that I deserve better than what you gave.