Text Messages I Could Never Send #1

Sat, 07/26/2014 - 22:25 -- vlr2015

I thought July would be our month.
My mother and brother gone, and my dad off to work on his 6-3pm shift.
We could have pretended to be a real couple for once. No drama with my family, and we could have hung out everyday.
I wanted to see you everyday.
I wanted to be with you everyday.
The end of June showed promise.
I was in love with you on the 29th.

Now it is the eighth of July, and I have not seen you since.
Maybe it doesn't seem like a long time, but in the dynamic of our relationship you know it is.
It's not like I haven't tried.
I have tried.
But when you give me one word responses and disregard with insensitivity the situation with my grandmother it makes me want to see you less and less.
It makes me cringe at the thought of your touch.

Why is it always me who has to text first?
Why couldn't you make the effort?
You said you loved me, but now you are not even here for me.
I can't even get a fucking text.
Did you lie?
I have asked you this before.
Did you lie to me when you told me everything I wanted to hear?

Perhaps by asking this question I already know the answer.
The sad thing is,
If you wanted to see me again today,
I would come to you.



I feel like the fact that I can understand this is pretty sad. Life and love makes one weak to the knees and willing to turn and bend. But even with wobbling knees a step can be made. In what direction? Hopefully forward. Seeing as this is just #1, I'll look forward to a #2 and maybe even #3

Shadya Essaili

Quite a deep portrayal of our tendency to maintain that "perfect image" of someone we love.  Striking poetry!

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