stupid rant at midnight

honestly at this point i have absolutely no idea what to do anymore. when i keep things to myself you feel like im somewhat distant, but if i tell you how i feel its like you turn off. its as if no matter how hard i try to keep things in balance, its just not good enough. i tried so hard this time to keep it from you and pretend like it was nothing, but i cant just keep things from you. i told you how i felt, how im just so sorry for being unhealthy and i feel like im just not worth anything anymore, and you didnt even know what to say. its as if you went completely blank and silent. you definitely werent yourself, but i couldnt figure out who you could have been. i swear i feel so fucking bad for making you feel that way even though you say i did nothing, but thats exactly it. i do nothing. im not helping you im only making everything worse but its not like i can fucking tell you that because all youll fucking do is say youre sorry and ill feel like the one at wrong again. i am the one at wrong. because who am i to lay my problems at your feet and ask you to help me fix them.

but thats what i fucking thought relationships should be about.

i just want your fucking help.

i dont want you to make me feel worse.

i just want your help.


but instead

im sitting on my bathroom floor,



while you sleep-

feeling absolutely nothing.

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