Oh, but the more I wrote about you
the easier it got, mouthfuls of poems
filled up like my anxiety flowing out.
I hope you catch the crown fire  
in your mouth because before it
was just these avalanches of pearls 
spilling out like shooting marbles.
There goes the cathedral respect 
and one more ice berg sized problem.

Catch me sitting where the sun fills
picking clovers instead of fights 
and growing up slow by avoiding life.
I want a real conversation 
voice cracks and all,
no fountain of apologies
or pure alcohol consumed
for your guilty soliloquies.

I buried my face in flowers
preparing for the worst

don't worry
don't worry

you whispered closely.
only you can make sadness a curse.

I have islands under my eyes and 
dreamt away entire lifetimes, but
you broke more promises than rules
I broke as a kid, falling in and out of existence,
the inertia of your heart spins me in a vicious whirlwind.