Silence;

             was a man i once ‘loved’

he said he lived in the bath

that perhaps 

              if i held my head 

                                    below water 

                                                   for long enough

i could be     amongst him 

in the        still   and   strong

 

 

yet my body won't      stop squirming

as i lay there,                    it feels wrong

water spills over the tub

                                      as i dive 

                                                  deeper 

hard knocks on / the / door /

urge me 

               "come out already!"

maybe       i       am       taking       too       long 

to find you

                         love          

 

 

my skin is wrinkled 

from soaking myself in shame

                                 at last

                   for air

i come up

as i can't live with Silence;           

                                           no i won't 

i wanted the world (to)      be quieter

and all he did was              try to shut my mouth

force himself onto me

 

 

 

               

i am a fool

how could a man         heal me?

when it is a woman     who knows constant injury

it is a woman               who rebuilds herself

and it is a woman        who still loves despite fear

time and time again      

 

 

i open the door

and sob into

              my girlfriend’s arms

she asks me if i’m alright

 

        i wish i could do more than just croak