Set me free.

Location

My father is a joker
and I love him with all my heart
even though his jokes
aren't funny at all

Screaming,
crying,
breathing heavily,
these were never in the brocure that they gave me

when I was nine, I thought I was gonna die
And when I didn't, I thought I was on God's side

But why is it that I can't cry in the moment, 
and then when the moment comes, I can't stop?
Why do I blame myself for loving everyone
once I have no one left?

I screamed at the counselor
when I only wanted to dissappear
she told me it's normal
but she's stupid,

nothing is.

Screaming, 
crying,
breathing heavily,

I'm now holding onto my dad,
believing God was tricking me
when I felt no longer safe, 
it was time for me to lose faith.

Years went by,
I didn't know why
but I didn't learn how to drive
right before the age of 20
Oh Lord, that sounds heavy 

Father jokes about responsibility,
making me full of hostility
when he asked what was wrong
I knew there was no need to answer

I sometimes think about my life choices
Cheesy as it sounds, I learned a whole lot
but one thing that puzzles me inside
is why the dark still scares me 
and why my father lost respect of me

heavy breathing, 
I throw my phone
I try to realize
why we live just to die
I try to find out why we're left to agonize

We try to take ease into the pain that is fear
and yet we're only feeding it with words like queer

Letting our minds become solid
as we walk down the valley and the fields
We try so hard to understand
if this was what He had always planned

I take my tears, my screams, and breathing,
And I bring them down until the whole world is grieving

Maybe one day everyone will change,
and maybe God will accept me, 
I'll stay in bed in hope that
maybe one day
I'll finally be set free

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741