I loved your hands. 

Loved the way they worked at my back when I was sore

but my god, I hated them!

I hated the way they'd shake when you'd miss a pill

hated how natural 

a cigaret fit between your fingers

loved how tight, how genuinly 

they held on to mine.

 

I loved your eyes

loved their bright blue vibrance

and oh how I hated them

I hated the way

dark circles formed underneath when you were stressed

hated how I could see

your sadness even when you were smiling

loved how I could see

how much you loved me

when you looked into mine.

 

I loved your stomach

loved how perfect it was

not hard and uncomfortable, not big, perfect

and I hated it.

hated how mad you'd get when I'd tickle you

hated how self concious you'd become

you'd say "it looks bad today." 

loved how it felt

pressed against mine.

 

I loved your heart

loved how patient 

you'd be when I was being difficult

and I hated it

hated how sometimes it'd beat

out of rythem and I'd worry

hated how you thought

you loved me more.

damn, I loved how you thought

you loved me more.

 

I loved your arms

loved how safe

I was with them around me

and I hated them,

hated how your writsts would crack

and it'd sound painful

hated how you'd always

keep them covered, out of sight.

Loved how much stronger

they were than mine.

 

I loved your mind

loved how unique and disguisingly smart.

you knew so many things, I'd never thought to learn about.

God, how I hated it.

hated the dark places

it would take you to

hated that it made you

question yourself, question us.

loved how your mind

was interested in mine.

 

Most of all

I loved you

I loved how you helped me

I was happiest with you

I never hated you

not once

only hated how you

hurt yourself slowly

the self-destructive

love of mine

no longer.