You avoid food all day long…

Maybe just one slice of pizza.

As you chew, the calories accumulate at the bottom of your throat.

You’re in public...but it can’t wait.

You slip into the school bathroom stall…

Is there anyone in here…?

You peek to see if feet are moving,

Then two of your fingers plant themselves in the mouth that used to welcome the sweet flavors of carbohydrates and sugars.

The secret you have tried to keep in is now dripping into the toilet bowl and echoing in the empty surroundings…

But was that a footstep?!

Stop yourself….

Get up…

Put your glasses back on and hid your tear stained cheeks….

Try the bathroom upstairs…

Someone’s there….

Climb back down and head to the east hall.

Purge what little self esteem you have into the opening of your new best friend.

Go home…

Open the refrigerator and stare at the demons called after school snacks.

Close the door before their temptation cause you to let go again…

You have a long way to go before you meet society’s standard of beauty.

Fifteen more pounds and the hills known as ribs will appear under your flaky, discolored skin.

Eat...or try to eat dinner….get sick….

Your mom asks if you have been feeling okay…

Lie to her again and say “I’m fine” and shove down the voice in your head begging for freedom.

“Give me my body back!”

But it’s time for your daily self-hating evaluation.

You take your shirt off and toss it in the corner where you’ll end up crying in the next few moments.

Lightly run your hands over the collarbones that now protruded out and cringe as your hands glide over your….fat…..disgusting stomach…

No matter how much you have thrown up…

No matter how many crunches you have done...

This reminder will always be there to show you that you cannot hit your goal…

You are hideous and always will be…

Cry in the previously announced corner for fifteen…

Nope today’s a bad one….thirty minutes….

Then go to bed and make a promise that you’ll avoid food tomorrow as well,

Just so the cycle can loop its way back again and around my neck…

Until I learn what it takes to be thin.