the pain reminds me of what i've done

stinging 

burning

lashing 

all the way up my forearms and my thighs

so i can feel it for days on end

the dark red blood that stains the carpet

each drop of it

like a drop of red rain

to wash away my sins

to wash away the hatred

the self loathing

the tears

i don't know when my wrists 

stopped looking like my own

i don't know when i put the blade there

i don't know when i stopped being able to put it down

because those droplets of red rain 

they got me through every single day.