It's 3AM and I'm waiting

For my phone to die

And I'm pretending that

It's a lie that all I want right 

Now is a cup of tea and

My head on your chest

Breathing in your exhales

I'm sure you fell asleep 

Hours ago but I wouldn't 

Know because you frogot

To tell me goodnight again

But it's okay, because I'm

Pretending that I forgot too

I wake up thinking of you

But remember that you

Aren't mine anymore and

I pretend that maybe it's

A good thing.

I refuse to shut my eyes 

Until my phone turns off but

It's taking much too long.

I'm not sure why I write

About you still. You were 

The only star in my sky

But now I pretend that my 

Atmosphere twinkles endlessly

Without you and people

Say I'm better without you

But I think they're wrong

You apologized awhile ago

And all I heard was sorry

And yes, I do feel sorry,

For me and these

Sleepless night you've

Caused where your 

Pretend presences was captured

Only by my imagination

Because the empty side of

My bed is nothing more

Than empty like my

Stomach because I've 

Had a hard time eating 

Since I last saw you

I miss waking up to the

Concave of your head

In the pillow next to mine

And now the only concave

I have is the one above my

Collarbones where 

You used to kiss when I

Felt sad. I don't know why

I'm still awake except that

I wish you were too.

I remeber how we used to

Lay together.

Our love an entangled knot

Formed by the beat of

My heart, the rise and fall

Of your chest and our

Sweaty palsm pressed together.

I forget what your name 

Tastes like anymore.

I'm too afraid for it to 

Poison my lips again.

Sometimes at night I have to

Quench my thirst for your

Breath on my neck and

Remember to keep 

Pretending that I

I'm okay now.

I've tried to convice 

Myself that you don't

Deserve me but I know

Deep down that I'm 

Nothing special and you're

The only one that ever

Pretended like I was. 


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