poring over texts at 3am

poring over texts at 3am
wondering about what wasn't said
but more importantly the things you said with hidden, truer meanings
now you're asleep and it's too late to ask
(not that i really would anyway)
i'm wondering so loudly to myself
would you try and stop me if i kissed a blade tonight
i'll entertain the thought, maybe i'll shove it away again
but i can't seem to cry and something's got to flow
i think i should just keep to myself
i'll live somewhere so far away from here
all the words that need to be said can just flow into the wind
so no one else has to hear them
i know that i can't feel a thing
but words creep under my skin and make homes
skirting the edge of my consciousness, enough to pollute it with dark thoughts
not enough to validate these things that i feel
and when you forget to say goodnight
i shouldn't take it personally but i do
and those are always the worst nights
it's not your fault but i need the closure
and now i'm poring over these texts again
it's been so long since i've seen you for real
and i don't know if that's good or bad, or if it would matter if i'm gone or dead
but i hope that you're sleeping well
and having sweet dreams tonight
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