Porcelain

I feel like I'm falling apart.

I'm breaking

Like glass, shattering on the floor.

A word, a look, a touch.

They smash down,

Cracking my facade again and again.

I pick my pieces up every day.

Stuff them in my pocket,

Feel them prick through the denim.

Sometimes they'll bump into me again.

An accident,

Though another shard will fall to the ground.

 

I don't want to be a porcelain doll.

A child's toy to be coddled

And given support to stand.

I want to be a warrior amongst queens.

Beautiful, yet strong,

A lioness amongst wolves.

I want to be confident, smart.

Capable of cracking,

But never falling apart.

I want to be everything my family wants.

Happy, successful, content;

To have everything I could ever want and need.

 

But yet here I am.

Breaking.

A shattering mirror.

I am no lioness amongst wolves.

No warrior amongst queens,

No witty, confident soul.

I need a stand for support,

A tender hand on my shoulder,

A soft word.

I am lost.

Depressed.

Unable to find my feet.

 

I hate myself.

Sometimes I think it would just be easier

To just give up and end it all now.

But I know better.

I remember that you have to dance in the rain,

That there will be sunnier days ahead.

Until then, I'll just keep picking up my pieces.

Stuff them in my pocket,

Try not to wince when I'm bumped into.

And I'll wait for the day.

That ever distant day,

When I'll find my feet,

And not be porcelain anymore...

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